One of the biggest surprises my clients at Canada Career Counselling face is how much friendships shift during times of change. Through the career counselling process, we explore everything from life satisfaction to values, many realize that transitions (big or small) impact relationships. Whether it’s relocating for work, launching a business, or simply experiencing a shift in values or worldview, friendships can feel different—and many adults aren’t sure how to navigate that.
In her book Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins, a well-known coach, speaker, and podcast host, refers to this phenomenon as “The Great Scattering”—the way friendships naturally evolve, drift, or even dissolve over time in adulthood. It’s not about fault; it’s about life moving forward. As we focus on new responsibilities, mental health challenges, new career identities, or family, some friendships may take a backseat. And unlike in school or college, where friendships form somewhat effortlessly, adult friendships require intention and effort.
Robbins highlights three key pillars of friendship that coincide with social science research: proximity, energy, and timing.
- Proximity: It’s easier to build and maintain friendships when you’re physically close. A move—even just to the suburbs—can shift the dynamic.
- Energy: Friendships thrive on mutual energy. If the vibe shifts, conversations feel forced, or you no longer share the same values or interests, the connection weakens.
- Timing: Life stages matter. Career shifts and personal growth can create gaps in understanding/relatability, and that’s okay.
In career counselling, we encourage clients to do a whole life satisfaction inventory—not just work, but hobbies, health, reality factors, and relationships too. Because career isn’t just a job title; it’s a core part of identity for many people. And as you evolve, so do your connections. The key is recognizing these shifts, being intentional, and nurturing the friendships that matter most because friendships are what make you happier, healthier and bring meaning to your life.
If you’d like to explore these topics through a counselling therapy or career counselling session, feel free to book a 15-minute call with us to see how we can support you.
